Just another day

Sleeping pattern

Of course most days are just much the same with not much variation in symptoms.  I slept really well last night, more than 12 hours in fact.  Excessive sleeping has been an ongoing feature of my withdrawal experience along with a topsy turvy sleeping pattern.  My record for non stop sleeping is 18 hours, I believe but up to three days have been lost to sleep apart from some toilet breaks and the odd cup of tea and something to eat.  For many months I could only sleep during the day and was wide awake and feeling much better during the night.  This was not conducive to seeing friends.  I am thankful that now I generally sleep during the night.

Sluggish body and brain

For a few hours after waking, I am generally unable to do very much.  My brain feels very heavy and I just have to lie in bed.  Most days I have spontaneous muscle contractions in my legs and bottom and downward pressure on my brain.  The contractions gradually ease off and the downward pressure lifts.  On better days I can sit up in bed and use my computer and of course this leads to such activities as writing a blog.

Evenings are better

I can generally function better in the evenings, physically and cognitively.  It is then that I have a shower, go out for a little walk and inevitably turn to the internet.

Thank God for BenzoBuddies

I have no idea what I would have done without the internet.  For a start I would not have known what was wrong with me, nor would I have had any support from fellow sufferers.  I cannot express how grateful I am to Colin Moran for setting up and running the support forum BenzoBuddies.  I can now cope with interrupted access to the forum if my internet connection fails but at one stage I was absolutely bereft when this happened.  It truly is a lifeline.


Of course the internet also means I can do my shopping and banking and generally take care of my own affairs.  Electronic communication of all kinds helps to maintain contact with friends and family and the outside world in general.  Benzo withdrawal is a lonely experience but has been made much more bearable by these newer forms of communication.  When I was a young woman suffering from terrible depression none of this was available and of course people in general did not talk much about mental health issues.  Thank goodness some things have changed for the better.


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