Awake all night

Yes, I was awake the whole night.  This used to be “normal” for me but not so in recent weeks so I am hoping last night was just a blip.  I managed to get four hours sleep in the morning but haven’t felt quite right all day, not that I ever feel right, but there are degrees of feeling all wrong!!!  I do feel fairly well in some ways but my brain and legs just won’t function properly.  The legs aren’t so crucial but my brain most definitely is.

I have been writing the story of my life and hope to publish it in book format.  It won’t be a very long book, nor will it be that fascinating but it is the story of my life and a difficult life it sure has been.  However, there has been lots of laughs along the way despite that and my friends have been a huge support to me something for which I am extremely grateful.

If anyone is reading this you might wonder how I can write a book when my brain won’t function properly.  Well, it is strange, I have to admit.  I can type away quite happily for hours on the computer but reading what I have written is a struggle.  Proofreading my manuscript is really hard work but I can do it because I already know what is in it.  Reading what other people have written is a different matter.

I have been trying to use self-publishing software and thought I had managed to get the hang of it but when I saw the end result tonight, I realised it was a real mess.  I have no idea what has gone wrong but will try to work that out tomorrow.  At least it keeps me occupied while I am still stuck in bed most of the time.

It is supposed to be summer time here in Scotland but there is little sign of summer weather.  Not that it is really bothering me but it is a shame for everyone who is out and about and hoping for some sun.

I have been wondering why so many of us feel the need to blog and otherwise communicate electronically with the outside world.  For me I guess it is really because I don’t have enough real life human company just now.  Not because I don’t have friends, but just because I don’t feel very well much of the time and they know that.

And so another day of benzo withdrawal has passed.  We are into a new month which always gives me fresh hope.  I don’t really know why but it just does.  I tend to measure my progress in three month periods.  I completed my taper in April, my birthday is in June, I became bedridden in September and then of course there is Christmas.  I look forward to these months and hope that I will be much better by the next important date.

I hope that everyone out there who is suffering from benzo withdrawal can keep strong, keep positive, keep hoping and believe that you too will get better.

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