Just managed to get a couple of hours sleep so feeling much better. Had another session of contracting muscles in my legs and inside my bum. This still happens every day but the contractions are so mild now compared to what they used to be like that they are not a major problem. However, I do have to just lie in bed and wait until they stop. The accompanying sensations in my brain means I cannot do anything. And so another day is passing. It is amazing how the time does pass.
I guess I have a new perspective on what it is like to be ill. It isn’t a case of lying around in bed all day, taking it easy, doing nothing. It is a constant battle to cope with the symptoms and a never-ending search for relief. I guess we all experience this when we are ill even with things like “the ‘flu”. Benzodiazepine withdrawal is just a much more extreme experience and can go on for so long – generally months but often years. The hard thing to accept though is the fact that it is all caused by prescription medicine, given to us by doctors who are supposed to be trying to make us better.
Sometimes I think I was so naive but given the thousands of people suffering, I am certainly not alone in believing in the medical profession. Illness makes us so vulnerable and we inevitably look for help. We trust that those with greater knowledge than ourselves will do their best for us. I have never doubted that most doctors are indeed doing their best, in the UK at least, but perhaps they too have been fooled into believing in these mind-altering drugs. The drug companies have done an excellent job of promoting their products that is for sure and making massive profits at the same time. Hopefully a change in mindset is now gathering apace and new methods of treating anxiety and depression will make these drugs a thing of the past.
I had so hoped I would be able to attend the UK Conference “More Harm than Good” in London next month but my optimism was misplaced on that score. A walk round the block is as much as I can muster right now. I am looking forward though to listening to the talks on the web. I wish I could read Robert Whitaker’s books but this damned cog fog still makes reading well nigh impossible. I can type away quite happily as no doubt you will have guessed. If I could read, then maybe I wouldn’t spend so much time blogging and rambling on about this and that. Here’s to the days when I can read again …. my most favourite pastime of all.