It certainly feels cold today so I guess autumn has arrived here in Aberdeen. Was up “early” because the plumber was coming to fit a new timer switch on my gas boiler. It only took about five minutes so I could have just stayed in my dressing gown. However, the fact that I can get up and get dressed in the morning is a huge improvement.
Went out for a walk – wearing my hat, gloves and scarf. I just felt “odd” all the way round the complex, not sure what was wrong but it just didn’t feel right. Very little of my body feels “right” at any time of course. Some bits feel worse than others. Lack of feeling, lack of co-ordination and of course the ever present fuzzy brain doesn’t help.
I started reading a book yesterday but it was very very difficult. I wonder if these are the sorts of difficulties people experience with dyslexia. I can read words of course so maybe not. Just find it hard to work out the meaning of sentences. I can do it for a few pages but it just is too hard to keep going.
The book is “Depression Delusion” by Terry Lynch.
I am sure I am not alone in having been taken in by the idea that depression was caused by a chemical imbalance. Having been on anti-depressants for 35 years which are designed to correct or at least ameliorate such imbalances, it is hardly surprising. Why did I not do any research? I needed every ounce of energy just to cope with day to day life. I had also spent so much of my earlier life looking for answers, I guess I had given up on that one. And of course I did sort of assume that doctors should know what they are doing. Silly me, won’t make that mistake again.
I guess we have all been a bit naive, assuming that professionals would act in our best interests. Not that I think any of them deliberately set out to harm me. But really, shouldn’t they have known better?