My mood has changed considerably. Over the past two years I have always been confident of recovering from this. I felt positive most of the time despite all the pain I had to endure. My brain was always fuzzy, and that seemed to make everything seem not so bad. Now my cognition is pretty good again and I have my emotions back. Both great signs of progress. However, I am now so bereft about everything and so upset at how physically ill I still feel. There is no fuzziness to protect me. It wouldn’t be so bad if I could function a little better and occupy myself by watching TV, reading books etc but I still can’t do those things.
I hope this is just another phase I will go through – the feelings of grief. I hope they will pass and I hope my physical functioning will be restored just as my cognitive and emotional functioning has returned. The emotional pain is now intense. Hopefully this is just another part of the healing process.