Visited GP this afternoon, the first time I have been to the surgery since April 2014!!! Friends took me there and back. Friend’s husband came into the consulting room. He did the same when I saw neurologist in Dundee. Ended up being with the GP for an hour which was a bit unfair on the patients sitting outside waiting to see him. Once I got started, I did not want to stop. I told him exactly how I felt about the whole situation, the denial, the dishonesty, how disgusted I was etc etc. Told him I was not prepared to put up with it and if I did not get some satisfaction I would initiate a further complaint to the Health Board. He still refused to acknowledge the possibility that benzos have caused all my health problems, saying he was not an expert and in any case there was no evidence. I told him that my medical notes were full of medical opinions about my mental health based on no objective evidence whatsoever but strangely every doctor I see now has little to say about why my brain is no longer functioning properly. So we have gone from a situation where the opinions were never-ending to no intelligent opinions whatsoever, just denial.
And so he is going to write a second referral letter to NHS neurologist whom I should see some time in May. He is going to reiterate my conviction that benzos are the cause of all my neurological problems. Now I strongly suspect that this will achieve nothing. I am thinking of asking for different tests and scans to assess the functioning of my brain. However, I am inclined to think that nothing will show up and I am not sure if it worth exposing my brain to unnecessary radiation. Most of my symptoms have resolved themselves and the inability to walk may be a problem with my body now rather than my brain.
I am glad I said what I did. It needed to be said. Perhaps it will help me to put this behind me but it is going to take quite some time yet before I can do that.
Not looking forward to home help starting tomorrow … not really keen on someone coming in to do my housework but I guess I will adapt.